Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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