New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Farmville is her only friend.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
