why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
