i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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