Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
