I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize