i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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