i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
