Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
