Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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