He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
