Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
