He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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