great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
