chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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