Say something about gay babies.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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