i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
