I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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