Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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