I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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