so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
