you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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