wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
