Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
