Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
