38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
