Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
