don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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