i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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