you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
