Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
