then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
