I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
