I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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