We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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