somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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