you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I die, sorry about rent.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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