she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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