Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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