i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Houston, we have a squirter
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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