I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
