Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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