What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
