do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
