smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
