so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I came so hard my ears popped.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
