I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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