i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
