God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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