i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
