You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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