I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
