The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
