I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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