i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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