He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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