i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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