This is not my ceiling
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
