apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
