You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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