careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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