I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
