Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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