I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You took a bar mat shot.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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