why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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