Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
