Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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